MILLIONS OF LIVES ARE AT STAKE!!!

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for show and tell.

If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

The only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next 15 minutes torturing himself until he gave up the location.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like an uneven fight. For the Chinese.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is sever terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but onl because it sounds like violent.

Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin, heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in 4 days time. Which is a real fact.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer got Helen Keller to talk.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Kiefer Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

It would only take 1 bullet to kill 50 cent.

Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

Only two things Jack Bauer doesn't do, show mercy, and go to the bathroom.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

On Jack bauer's Tax returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents.

When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.

American Idol is popular only because it has a commercial for 24.

The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side.

There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. The first two are Jack Bauer, and the third one is a heart attack from hearing Jack Bauer is coming for them.

Jack Bauer once arm-wrestled Superman. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Jack Bauer never steals. Chuck Norris gave him the rights to these sayings a long time ago. Chuck Norris knows when he's beat.